His breath reeked of stale alcohol and the smoke from too many cigarettes, the odor oozing out of his mouth onto his pock-marked tank top. He donned a sleeveless flannel like a suit of armor, though he often fended off debt collectors and flies instead of gilded soldier and dragons. His body wavered, as if his frame sought to escape the poisonous fumes it created.
In his grasp, a petunia struggled to stay alive. Its petals shivered as palm sweat creeped across its stem. Dirty roots dangled from underneath the man's fist, a crude reminder that he was anything but gentle.
His muscles snapped to attention as her approaching aroma overtook his own stench in his nostrils. Each footstep resonated in his ears, bringing him ever closer to the confrontation he feared would define him. A fresh coat of palm sweat smothered the gasping plant, as her sad eyes met his hopeful eyes.
I'm working on teaching students how to write by showing and not telling. This was a free-write in class guided by three questions:
1.) Who is around the corner?
2.) What is he carrying?
3.) What does he want?
As this is my first time teaching creative writing, I'm trying to increase my own skills. I'm posting this as an example, hopefully garnering feedback from other, more talented writers. Any constructive feedback is good!
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